I have a confession to make. almost two weeks ago, I took an overdose and tried to kill myself. I am just so done with feeling like absolute shit all the fucking time. I have an amazing boyfriend and best friend, but sadly I just don’t feel like that is enough. I’ve been seeing the mental health advisor at my university, and she thinks I suffer from anxiety, depression, distress...
I have never felt so betrayed in all my life
I want to die
you tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you do. how could someone like you love someone like me? I’m twisted and ugly and fat and worthless, and you’re anything but. it’s impossible. how can we exist together? how can I be sure you won’t some day realise that I’m not good enough for you and leave me?
why am I never good enough for you? why do you insist on telling me this all the time. it hurts. it hurts more and more every time you say it. I’m sorry you think I’m worthless, that what I’m doing with my life is worthless, and that the person I’m going to become can never amount to anything good. I don’t know what more you want from me. I did well in school - I did...
I wish happiness was enough. I always thought it would be. turns out I was wrong.
I’m so disgusted by myself. my body. I’ve lost so much control since starting uni, and it’s finally hit me full-force. I am so disgusting. I feel like I’ve gained a million kgs, and I can’t seem to lose it again. why is this happening to me
is it possible to feel this happy? do I even deserve it? I just feel that, for once in my life, everything is going exactly how it should. I’m at a fantastic uni, studying a subject I’m genuinely interested in, living in a beautiful city, and I have the most amazing boyfriend. seriously, I’m so happy I could explode, or burst into tears, or bash my head against the wall. ugh,...
long time since I last posted something, but that’s because my life has been pretty damn amazing lately. I have a boyfriend, who also happens to be my flatmate, and yeah. things are going well and he’s so incredibly sweet and caring. fast, huh? yeah, but I have absolutely no regrets. happy posts ftw \o/
first night sleeping in my new uni accommodation tonight! moving in today was stressful, and absolutely terrifying at first. but then I had tea and a nice 1 1/2 hour chat with two of my new flatmates. then came dinner with my mom, and another 1 1/2 hour chat with one of the guys (who, by the way, is perhaps the sweetest guy I’ve ever known ;~; his name’s ryan). he opened my...
it hurts. it hurts. it fucking hurts all the fucking time. I am so tired of this. when will it stop?! is that even possible - for it to stop?! I need it to stop, because otherwise I fear I’m going to go fucking crazy (like, more so than now). and then who knows what will happen, or what I’ll do..
took some painkillers about half an hour ago.. I wasn’t it pain, but I was feeling somewhat peculiar. idk. perhaps I shouldn’t have, though, because now I’m feeling kinda drowsy and I’m supposed to be paying attention to this movie. well done, alette…
you know that awesome moment when you meet new people who are genuinely interesting and seem to accept you for who you are (or the you without all the dark and twisty stuff)? yupp. awesome moments.
Anonymous asked: Alright thank you for clearing that up ! Sorry if it sounded a little rude I was just curious. I do hope that you get better though c:
Anonymous asked: not to be rude but what do you cut with?
Anonymous asked: Im wondering why did you post the picture of you cutting up your thighs? I understand that its pain you can control and something oyu do to feel better BUT is it necessary to cut then proceed to take a picture of it for the world?
parkour-sucker-deactivated20121 asked: You are beautiful.
cut again tonight. deeper than before, and it felt absolutely amazing. already itching to do it again.
I need to buy myself a journal… just a plain, lined journal which I can keep with me at all times to scribble my thoughts into… I already have a pretty one, for school and life, but I need something basic to help me keep my thoughts organised
crack-barakat asked: i think your hipbones are beautiful, sorry if that was like creepy but i saw them in the tag & i had to tell you//
I’m going to be alone in my grandparents house from wednesday till sunday… I just know it’s not going to end well - I won’t be motivated to eat on my own… oh well, we’ll see, I suppose…
allowed to choose & make dinner tonight, and although I wasn’t even planning on eating dinner today, I think I’ll make a simple salad. not the most exciting, but… my grandparents can make something to have with it if they feel like it.
it’s scary how easily one can slip back into destructive eating habbits.. and now it’s so easy to refuse food. I never had a problem with snapping and bingeing, but it’s not like I have strong willpower so I don’t know how I do this.. I’ve fallen into a routine when it comes to my eating now.. only one meal, and that’s lunch.. oh well, idk what to do anymore.
my jeans fell off me in public today… so embarrassing.
haven’t eaten at all today. so exhausted. fainted twice, and now I have the ~shakes~. I am so ashamed of myself
feeling the worst since I came to norway… I don’t want to get up tomorrow morning.
these past few days, ever since I returned to norway really, I’ve been eating way too much. to the point where I constantly feel bloated and sick. I’m really not used to so much food, so I’m going to cut down, because the amount I’ve been eating lately is absolutely ridiculous (and makes my tummy ache, ow). if I need to eat more, I will snack on healthier things like...
hey self, stop feeling guilty when you admire attractive guys when you’re out and about. stop being pathetic and move the fuck on.
you know what’s good? spontaneous sex at 2am, that lasts almost 2 1/2 hours… hickeys & a good body ache
single, again. and I think I’m okay. or I hope so, at least.
so tell me the truth… was I nothing but a temporary fix to you? have the things that everyone’s been telling me all this time been completely true? do you even care about me at all, or how I’m feeling? or perhaps all your sweet words were lies too… I can’t do this anymore, it’s driving me crazy.
yesterday I went to a party and ajshdsjdhfjs. I had hoped it would be fun to see all my friends again after a month of practically no contact, and I mean… it was, definitely. but I just wasn’t in the mood for alcohol or partying or being social yesterday. I was originally going to spend the night at a friend’s house, but by 1 or 2am ( I wasn’t paying attention to the...
I want to die.
I am really worried about how people see me. pathetic, I know. but there’s another reason I’ve kept quiet about so many things - I can’t handle other people’s judgement. I’m not strong enough for it. I don’t want to be accused of being attention-seeking. I have before, and it’s the worst insult I’ve ever received. how can you expect me to tell...
winchestermybody asked: You just got to hold on <3